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  • Jasmin Ayala

My Brief Thoughts On Love (And Other Stuff)



I've sat on this draft for the past week as I tried to formulate some riveting or thought-provoking messages on the matter of love, dating, or romance. It's not that I suck at dating or anything like that (how does one even measure their "success"at dating anyway?), there's just too much to say on the topic. But seeing as I've managed to survive the pitfalls of modern dating, including a fair share of breakups, I feel inclined to share some of my thoughts with the other poor unfortunate souls of the internet. You're probably wondering, "is she even qualified to give romantic advice?" And to that I say...probably not. So without further ado, here are my brief thoughts on love and other stuff:


Dating Apps


*Sigh* That's precisely what comes to mind when I am forced to think about dating apps. It's not that people don't find love on Tinder or Bumble, I know plenty of people that have met their SO on an app. But let's be real, that chance is slim and rare. A dime in a dozen. As I've learned from my years of deleting and re-downloading apps, it's that people don't know what the hell they are looking for on dating apps (besides an instantaneous ego boost). Here's how the dating app game tends to follow:


1. Match with someone.

2. Add each other on socials.

3. Text for a week and make ambiguous plans to hang out.

4. Ghost each other but still watch each other's IG/Snap stories.

5. Wash, Rinse, Repeat.


*screams internally*



Modern Dating


Dating apps fall under the umbrella of modern dating, but for all intents purposes I'm categorizing Modern Dating as the stuff that happens outside of our phones and wi-fi connected lives. You know that thing, IRL? This could be any experience that unfolds in our day-to-day lives such as at a grimey bar or in the Kombucha section at your local Whole Foods Market. Because our lives are so tech-focused, the outcomes of modern dating are roughly the same as online dating. Even if you meet someone the old-fashioned way, the vague rules of the game still apply. As do the nauseating pseudo-dilemmas like: When should I text back? Emoji or no emoji? Coffee or drinks?


Ghosting


Ah, ghosting. Our modern way of saying "it's not you, it's me;" but with significantly less words and consideration for the other person. Ghosting has become a steady fixture in our collective consciousness and a given in modern dating. These days you can be ghosted by anyone. Your romantic prospect, an interviewer, even a friend. Quite frankly, I hate ghosting. I think it's cowardly and immature, but we've all been guilty of it at one point. So for 2019, I made a pact with myself that I wouldn't ghost anyone simply because I know that sh** hurts. It's hard keeping it real especially when the truth hurts, but I challenge you to be totally honest and transparent with your relationships to avoid ghosting. At the very least, you'll live knowing you took the high road.



Breakups


Breakups are gross. They're heart-wrenching and unfortunately a necessarily evil on our path to growth, greater love, and our best life. I've been dumped and I can attest that it sucks. I even immortalized this painful life event by writing about it back when I was at BuzzFeed. For me, poking fun at my breakup and writing through it helped me come to terms with the complexity of it. Here are a few lessons I learned through trial and error when dealing with a breakup:


1. Delete their number. I mean it; take it from me, don't leave the door open for yourself to drunkenly text them profanities after one too many drinks.

2. Be single for as long as you can. Focus on getting to know every part of your unique self.

3. Rebounds aren't just for basketball so shoot your shot.

4. Pursue passion projects, hobbies, and trips that you've put off while you were in a relationship.

5. Give yourself time to heal and move on. It won't be pretty or easy, but that's okay.

6. Lean on your friends for support and witness the love that surrounds you.

Self-Love


Quite frankly the most underrated love of all is self-love. And I'm not talking about tangible things like face masks and shopping. I'm referring to the actions we take that support our physical, spiritual, and emotional growth. Self-love is the lifelong connection we have with ourselves that shapes the relationships and friendships we form in our lives. Throughout our life, the importance of self-love will become more apparent, especially during tough times like a bad breakup. These are the best things you can do to practice self-love:


1. Expunge toxicity out of your life. Drop energy-draining people without batting an eyelash.

2. Create boundaries for yourself and others even if that means telling someone "no."

3. Nourish your body and mind by feeding it healthy things like vegetables and books.

4. Live your life intentionally and with purpose. If you have a dream or goal, go after it!

5. Don't be swayed by the fear of failure. Even if you do fail, it's just a precursor to success.

6. Instead of picking yourself apart, take notice of your best qualities and attributes.



So that's it. Those are my brief thoughts on love and other stuff. Of course I have way more things to say, but I'll keep it light on this V-Day, seeing as you probably have enough love-related crap flooding your timeline.


Happy Hallmark Day!


xoxo







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